self consent

Discernment and the path to Erotic Empowerment

Last year I promised to write a post about practising discernment. This is a subject that I frequently find myself delving into with clients – particularly when they are embarking on new chapters in their erotic lives. A vital part of personal erotic empowerment is the ability to sense – to discern – which of the Spectrum of Possibilities available in any given erotic scenario feel good to us, and to trust and value ourselves enough to base our choices on that discernment. Our ability to practice discernment is inextricably linked with our ability to be in self-consent – self-consent being a necessary base camp for any journey towards erotic self-actualisation.

So what does the practice of discernment look like? What are the mental, emotional, and physical steps that make up an act of discernment? …

Permission to enter the Spectrum of Possibilities

As a psychosexual coach, I treasure those moments when I’m approached by clients who are standing on a threshold, and looking for someone to cheer them on as they step over it. While I’ve accompanied clients over thresholds ranging from career changes to bereavement, inevitably, the thresholds I’m often approached for are those that fall under the broad umbrella of GSRD – Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity. From first forays into non-monogamy, to that oft arising question, “Can I call myself queer?”, one of the joys of the job is undeniably supporting clients to find the permission to embody new identities and explore new lifestyles – and getting to see sides of them that were previously stifled start to flourish.

However, one of the things that I’ve noticed causes seekers to falter on those thresholds is the impression that many of the communities and narratives surrounding GSR diverse identities exude – that you’re either all in, or you’re out. …

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