permission

Self-Acceptance is not a Solo Activity

‘Self-Acceptance is not a Solo Activity’ is a sentence that first found its way into my notes for a virtual workshop entitled Kink and Spirituality. The session was one I had the pleasure and privilege of running with Caritia for Karada House. I was making a point about BDSM and self-actualisation – about the way that being witnessed, celebrated, and loved in response to the aspects of ourselves that kink allows us to inhabit can contribute to a sense of our intrinsic OK-ness in our own skin. I wanted to speak to the role that being seen and welcomed in different aspects of ourselves has to play in our journey towards being able to accept and include our whole selves. …

Discernment and the path to Erotic Empowerment

Last year I promised to write a post about practising discernment. This is a subject that I frequently find myself delving into with clients – particularly when they are embarking on new chapters in their erotic lives. A vital part of personal erotic empowerment is the ability to sense – to discern – which of the Spectrum of Possibilities available in any given erotic scenario feel good to us, and to trust and value ourselves enough to base our choices on that discernment. Our ability to practice discernment is inextricably linked with our ability to be in self-consent – self-consent being a necessary base camp for any journey towards erotic self-actualisation.

So what does the practice of discernment look like? What are the mental, emotional, and physical steps that make up an act of discernment? …

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