the erotic

Pleasuring the Change You Want to See in the World

At the end of our most recent Koinonia event, I shared that, for me, pleasure and revolution dance hand in hand. In that sense, I’m a drop in a river that has been flowing for longer than we can know, a river running through Aristophanes’ play Lysistrata, first performed in 411 BC, which tells tall tales of the women of ancient Athens going on a sex strike to stop the Peloponnesian war – and also through the electrifying performance I watched on Zoom earlier this year by Estudio Jorōgumo shibari, a queer feminist collective practising “ropes for resistance” in Mexico. It’s part of why it feels possible, and even generative, to keep offering work that is oriented towards pleasure in these “interesting times” – because pleasure can be both a resource and a tool for change, and because the world we are changing towards must be one in which everyone has the permission and possibility to embrace their pleasure. …

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Discernment and the path to Erotic Empowerment

Last year I promised to write a post about practising discernment. This is a subject that I frequently find myself delving into with clients – particularly when they are embarking on new chapters in their erotic lives. A vital part of personal erotic empowerment is the ability to sense – to discern – which of the Spectrum of Possibilities available in any given erotic scenario feel good to us, and to trust and value ourselves enough to base our choices on that discernment. Our ability to practice discernment is inextricably linked with our ability to be in self-consent – self-consent being a necessary base camp for any journey towards erotic self-actualisation.

So what does the practice of discernment look like? What are the mental, emotional, and physical steps that make up an act of discernment? …

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