A Daily Dose of Pleasure for February

Let’s talk about January. Based on my conversations with clients and loved ones, it seems that for a lot of us in this rainy corner of the northern hemisphere it has been a month of pervasive tiredness, of foggy minds and landscapes, of lingering colds and sudden losses. Good riddance, right? Now let’s talk about what comes after January. Because when I think of February, I think of cold snaps, grey skies, and most of all, the existential dread that accompanies the dark before the dawn of spring. In January, with all the promise, the mythos of a new year, I can dream. In February, it feels as if my body loses all memory of being warm, free, unfettered by all these layers of clothes and low clouds… and those dreams can falter.

I’ve been inspired over the years by friends who proactively prepare for the month in question, reaching for micro joys and cultivating new interests to keep the February blues at bay. So I thought I’d get creative this year – and I’m inviting you to join me.

I am proposing a daily dose of pleasure – at least 5 minutes of being fully present to something that feels good, sparks joy, and/or causes the sap to rise in our bodies.

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Creating Safe and Sacred Space for Intimate Conversations

One of the most common topics I explore with my clients in psychosexual coaching sessions is communication – including the question of how to do it.

“It’s all very well identifying this boundary or need, but how can I communicate it to my partner(s)?”

“How do I tell someone I’m not interested in a romantic connection with them without being an arsehole?”

“How would I even begin to articulate this desire?”

These are all questions that are fairly common in a container that is focused on bringing the seeker into deeper relationship with self – especially when the intention behind that enquiry is often to be in more sustainable, pleasurable, and/or co-creative relationships with others.

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Sex Magic for Making Change

Change. I’m used to being surrounded by folks who want it in one form or another – from my coaching clients, to my close people who are creatives, activists, and/or magicians. But in this last year, that clarion call for change seems to have become universal, even as the changes each of us desire can appear vastly diverse. From global movements calling for long overdue shifts in how we treat our planet and each other, to the folks who just really want a hug Right Now, it seems so many of us want to be living through different stories, personally and collectively – and we’re struggling to know how to begin to tell them.

I’ll be honest: in the midst of all these “urgencies” (as Donna Haraway names them) it feels like a strange time to be talking about sex magic. In her introduction to my book, Igniting Intimacy: Sex Magic Rituals for Radical Living and Loving, Barbara Carrellas wrote: “[Sex] Magic is the art of transformation. It’s the ability to imagine an alternative existence and then create and sustain that existence.” But what does that mean at a time like this? How can we draw on sex magical practices in ways that feel like they have meaning in the face of personal and collective exhaustion, frustration, and grief – not to mention the sheer size and volume of change that is calling to be brought forth? …

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Ritualising Intimacy – or, What Does Magic Have to do with Sex Anyway?

Twice this year I have had the exquisite pleasure of training a group of sexuality practitioners in the art of Ritual Fireplay. After the most recent course in Stockholm, a day immersed in ritual, bathed in firelight, and interspersed with sweet sounds of sensation and release, I’ve been thinking a lot about magic.

Specifically, why magic and ritual are woven around and through so much of what I offer in the work that is Making Love with God. …

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Ritualising Intimacy – or, What Does Magic Have to do with Sex Anyway? Read More »