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Love Spells for Difficult Conversations – Part II

This is part two of an exploration into how elements of spell craft can be woven into the ways we communicate with each other, particularly when discussing tough and tender topics. In my last post, I explored magical approaches to showing up for difficult generative conversations as our best and most present selves. In this sequel musing, I’m going to be exploring how the arc of ritual magic can support us in having discussions that are more generative and connective.

Let’s dive in with a summary of the ritual arc as I usually teach it:

  • Creating Safe & Sacred Space
  • Setting Intention
  • Raising Energy
  • Release
  • Surrender & Giving Thanks

For the purposes of today’s musings, I will be unpacking three of these ritual components – Creating Safe & Sacred Space, Setting Intention, and Surrender & Giving Thanks – and how they might support challenging conversations (I’m not unpacking the Raising Energy and Release components in the same way, since within the “ritual” of such conversations, those are essentially represented by the dialogue itself).
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Love Spells for Difficult Conversations

Today’s topic is love spells for difficult generative conversations. Because, as we so often hear, we are living through divisive times. And there is a bracing that I sense is present now in so many of us that it has become a collective experience. We are braced against the next impact, our systems preparing to fight or flee moment to moment. In the face of the forces seeking to enrage and divide us, and the constant bombardment with horrors and urgencies that can feel outside of our control, we are braced, and that bracing can make us feel fragile. Little things become the last straw, and we have little grace for our fellow humans; we are seemingly losing what capacity we had to allow space for their humanity, and for our own.

It can feel harder than ever to have hard conversations, or conversations that we anticipate might be hard. The stakes are too high. We would rather retaliate or retreat in the face of upset – and besides, we’re all hustling. It can feel so much easier to let a conversation, and perhaps a relationship, slide.

And yet. We are also living in times rich in urgency, urgencies of a scale that cannot be faced alone. On a collective level, one of the biggest impacts that forces designed to divide and distract us are having is rendering us incapable of working together to solve collective problems. And on an individual level, we are lonely. We need to be able to talk to each other in ways that allow us not just to connect, but to be interconnected and interdependent, to be co-creative, to collaborate – and to keep doing so when the going gets tough.

To help us keep talking to each other, here is the first in a series of two posts packed with sex-magical tools and tips for tough and tender conversations. This first post will focus on witchy ways to approach any given encounter as your best and most grounded self. The next post will explore how the arc of ritual magic can be used to create generative containers for more intentional communication.

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Love Spells for Difficult Conversations Read More »

Creating Safe and Sacred Space for Intimate Conversations

One of the most common topics I explore with my clients in psychosexual coaching sessions is communication – including the question of how to do it.

“It’s all very well identifying this boundary or need, but how can I communicate it to my partner(s)?”

“How do I tell someone I’m not interested in a romantic connection with them without being an arsehole?”

“How would I even begin to articulate this desire?”

These are all questions that are fairly common in a container that is focused on bringing the seeker into deeper relationship with self – especially when the intention behind that enquiry is often to be in more sustainable, pleasurable, and/or co-creative relationships with others.

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Creating Safe and Sacred Space for Intimate Conversations Read More »

Permission to enter the Spectrum of Possibilities

As a psychosexual coach, I treasure those moments when I’m approached by clients who are standing on a threshold, and looking for someone to cheer them on as they step over it. While I’ve accompanied clients over thresholds ranging from career changes to bereavement, inevitably, the thresholds I’m often approached for are those that fall under the broad umbrella of GSRD – Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity. From first forays into non-monogamy, to that oft arising question, “Can I call myself queer?”, one of the joys of the job is undeniably supporting clients to find the permission to embody new identities and explore new lifestyles – and getting to see sides of them that were previously stifled start to flourish.

However, one of the things that I’ve noticed causes seekers to falter on those thresholds is the impression that many of the communities and narratives surrounding GSR diverse identities exude – that you’re either all in, or you’re out. …

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Permission to enter the Spectrum of Possibilities Read More »

Being Seen

It was my first day of seminary. The group moved around the room, weaving betwixt and between itself. When two of us made eye contact, we would pause, stand before one another, and one of us would say:
“I am here to be seen.”

“I see you”, came the response.

I was hooked. …

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Tantra for Geeks

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself enthusing with a regular client over a new analogy we had come up with for self care – one that utilised mathematical parabola to demonstrate the necessity of rest and reflection for expansion and well-being.

This got me thinking again on a topic that has been floating around in the old cerebrum for some time. I recalled what my teacher often says about how our “biases” – our personal and particular bugbears, passions, and rants – influence and shape our work.

For me, some biases have been there since I first started out in my field, and have grown increasingly stronger with time – such as a need to work towards inclusivity for all genders, bodies, and orientations. Some I have discovered and nurtured along the way – like a talent for supporting clients in sitting with what I call the “difficult questions”, and making peace with extremes of emotion.

And some… Some have just sort of appeared out of the corner of my eye, and come along for the ride whether I planned it or not.

One of these, which I have become more aware of in the last year, is the fact that I, apparently, teach tantra for geeks. …

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